Well, even the thought of writing has been more exhausting since February than it was before...
I can't push/pull the words out, they got to fall down on their own or else it won't be easy to write what's on my mind.
Well.... February..
what did you do to me?
I can't blame February, but that's when my body really said "STOP! I NEED A BREAK!"
Actually, I think my body tried to tell me already in October 2021 that it was about time to slow down - I just didn't listen. I never have.
Until February this year. Then I had to listen as I was throwing up before and after work - going to work at a place I've been working for 11 years and loved working at basically just became too much.
A lot of people in my profession have had their body tell them it's been too much, specially after our job became a high risk arena for the C-19 virus to spread fast and we had to rearrange everything.
So going from being on high alert for months to back to normalcy within days - I think my body just hit the breaks and they've been stuck for 8 months now...
I've finally managed to make the doctors listen to me and send me to someone who knows ME/CFS.
I'm also having conversations with a psychologist to work through some old stuff.
One good news is that I got my drivers license back after a year without it; I had an stress-related epileptic seizure last October - which I now believe was my body trying to tell me to slow down.
Anyway...
"Oh, shit! Great"..
How do I explain these things to people, both people I've known for years and people I meet?
How do I explain the fact that I've been on a sick note for 8 months and probably will be for more months?
How do I explain that all I do is relaxing on my bed, making different things/pictures with Hama beads or diamond painting, do little to nothing everyday, but at the same time also feel up to buy a ticket for a theater play and travel to a nearby place to watch my friend act and sing in a play or drive around the island to collect money for the annual NRK-Telethon, Norway's largest informational campaign and fundraising event?
How do I explain that one day I can go to the local store, visit the place I've worked or hang with friends and the next day I'm barely getting my ass out of bed?
I know...
I shouldn't feel like I have to explain, but the stares and the silent questions... the "why the heck is she, when she can't?!"'s... Maybe they're just in my head, but they're still there...
All I know is that..
my body need time to heal
my mind need help to heal
I'm still here, I'm still alive, I'm just learning to live different than I did before.